Calm, constructive, consistent
The senior leader enthusiastically described how the current CEO turned around the culture of the organisation. The culture transformed from one of fear and blame to one of collaboration and motivation because ‘whether you bring him good news or bad, you’re met with a constructive response. He’s always calm.’

I come across these three words time after time amongst leaders I coach when they describe how a good boss communicates. A leader who is consistently calm and constructive, even in the face of bad news, is transformative.

It’s the consistency that counts
A calm and constructive approach, every day? Even when you’re tired, stressed, overwhelmed? Even when you can’t believe what the other person has just told you?

Yes. It’s the consistency that counts. Human beings don’t respond well to inconsistency. If you’re approachable and upbeat one day, but critical and blaming the next, guess what? People prepare for the negative version of you and learn to protect themselves from it.

There are no exceptions to this rule and the more senior you are, the bigger the impact of even the slightest negativity in your communication.

But every day? Wow! That’s a tough gig. I agree, it is. But no-one said being a good leader is easy!

How can we become calm and constructive consistently?
I’ve had the good fortune to interview many of the leaders who are calm and constructive communicators every day. What sets them apart?

I’ve captured their feedback under four key attributes.

Confidence – leaders who are confident in themselves and in the people they lead can stay calm and constructive in every situation. They aren’t driven by fear about the consequences of the bad news, or the poor figures. They know that they, and their teams, can get things back on track again. They trust that no-one has purposely messed things up.

Assertiveness – the most effective communicators are assertive. They respect both their own needs, and the needs of others in the conversation. Consequently, they behave in a way that is constructive, seeking to understand and work together to find solutions, rather than judging and blaming. At the same time, they aren’t pushovers who say it doesn’t matter or fail to give feedback when it’s needed.

Authenticity – this isn’t about ‘letting it all hang out’ – in fact, that can be anything but constructive. Instead, the most effective leaders are appropriately authentic. They are honest and avoid playing games, but they also know what isn’t helpful in any given situation, and should therefore not be shared. If they express a negative view, they are extremely careful where and how they do this.

Congruence – leaders who communicate well show congruence – their words, tone of voice and body language all align. It’s a powerful way to build others’ trust. because they know you aren’t playing a game. The good news? Provided you are coming from a place of confidence, assertiveness and appropriate authenticity – this fourth element happens naturally. You don’t have to practise congruence, if the other three are in place.

These are mindsets and skillsets – not fixed personality traits
We can all develop confidence, assertiveness, authenticity and congruence. They aren’t baked-in traits that we either posses or don’t. And our investment in practising these and incorporating them into the way we communicate every day will pay dividends. They are the secret to communicating in a way that builds a culture where people are motivated and engaged. You can become that leader.

Confidence, assertiveness, (appropriate) authenticity and congruence. Which do you most need to work on today?