Did you have a Weeble when you were a kid? Did your Weeble wobble but not fall down?
If you’ve no idea what I’m talking about, you probably weren’t a child of the 70s – so, to make it easier – here’s a quick link. Yes, in the 70s, a Weeble was top of your Santa list.
Do Weebles epitomise resilience?
I always think of Weebles when I hear leaders talking about resilience. The common definition of resilience is bouncing back from adversity. In this sense of the word, Weebles were the epitome of resilience – the ultimate in bouncebackability.
But I think this definition takes account of only one aspect of this complex area – and I’d suggest, the easiest type.
Of course leaders need to be able to bounce back. And you do, every day. The cursory thanks from your boss when you’ve poured your heart and soul into delivering that report . The complaint from a client where you’ve pulled out all the stops to deliver. The disappointed look on a direct reports face when you tell them they haven’t had the bonus they hoped for, despite you arguing their case as strongly as possible. In these situations, leaders need to be like Weebles. We need to bounce back and not let our frustration undermine us or others.
But there are two other types of resilience that are too often ignored.
Deep resilience for those life-changing times
There’s the deep well of resilience that we draw on when life throws us experiences that are beyond painful – life-changing and devastating moments that will transform who we are at the deepest level for ever. Maybe it’s the break-up of an important relationship. Maybe it’s news of serious illness. Or the job loss that threatens your family’s security. Experiences like these demand that we tap into levels of resilience that we didn’t even know we had. There are no Weebles here. There’s no bouncing back. But there’s deep transformation. Afterwards we may seem the same on the surface but we know that we have changed in a way that we can never express.
Resilience to deal with the every day
And then there’s a third type of resilience that I see leaders drawing on every single day. It’s the resilience to get up when the alarm goes off after a restless night’s sleep fretting about your burgeoning workload. It’s facing another day of meetings that means you won’t leave the office before 7 p.m., let alone fit in a reinvigorating walk at lunchtime. It’s the always full email list that means you’ll sit down to work again after you’ve got the kids bathed and in bed, and before you hit the sack yourself.
Last month I asked 300 leaders what their biggest challenge is – the no. 1 answer was managing workload and balancing priorities. It’s this that takes the third type of resilience, and it’s this that can really drain our energy.
Fortunately, this pressure usually eases regularly enough to allow leaders time to top up their energy and feel revitalised again. Whether it’s a much-needed holiday, a celebration of a project successfully delivered, or the joy of time with friends and family, our resilience is regularly replenished and we keep moving forward.
And, of course, there are good habits we can practise to consciously manage our resilience too – setting boundaries and sticking to them, saying No to meetings that you don’t really need to attend, getting to bed early and having a full night’s sleep, eating healthily. All of these are important. They will all make a difference. You know that and I know that.
You aren’t failing!
But there’s one thing that drains this everyday resilience that we too often overlook – it’s the feeling that we’re constantly failing because we drop balls and leave some tasks unfinished. This brings the feeling that we’re never quite in control; it raises self-doubt. This drains our resilience. Even more so because there’s that nagging sense that, if we were really up to the job, we’d be managing it all with ease. We’d be on top of every aspect of our role.
A different start point
I’ve coached a lot of leaders over the years and have found that one of the best ways to build resilience is to begin by accepting that it isn’t your lack of ability – you really do have an unmanageable workload. It’s inevitable that you will leave some things unfinished. It’s inevitable that some balls will drop. The real secret to maintaining resilience is to recognise and accept this.
Rather than berating yourself for failure, it’s about deciding which jobs to leave unfinished and which balls to purposely set down because they aren’t worth the effort. It’s about celebrating the progress you’re making instead of criticising your lack of perfection. When you do this, you start to take back a sense of control rather than failure, and of possibility rather than overwhelm.
This is a good start point to actively replenish your resilience to deal with the every day.
Have a great week and always remember, life will be easier if you observe yourself and others with interest and learning, not with criticism and judgement.