It’s that time of year again when we’re torn between:
- Wearing our gaudy Christmas jumper and feeling just a tad embarrassed at the bright red reindeer nose in the centre of our chest
- Hanging up our work brains for the year and clearing out the junk from our overcrowded inbox
- Cracking open the Quality Street and sticking with a healthy eating regime (or is that just me?)
Okay, these are on the lighter side but resolving conflict between our values & desires and the actions we need to take is real. It’s formally called cognitive dissonance and it causes stress, even distress, when we experience it.
Here are some real-life examples from leaders I’ve coached this week.
- ‘I want to hand in my notice I’m so fed up but I need to keep a roof over my family’s head.’
- ‘I want to retire as soon as possible but there’s a nice bonus for me if I stay on and deliver this project.’
- ‘I want to go for this big promotion but I don’t want to have to give up on time with my family.’
- ‘I want to join this development programme but I don’t know how to fit it in around my workload.’
- ‘I’ve been told not to share this information with my team but I think it’s important for them to know.’
- ‘I know this person isn’t performing but they’ve been so loyal to me for so long.’
- ‘I might need to look for a new role outside the organisation but I’m not sure if I’m ready to leave.’
I know you’ll have times when you’re struggling with these very normal and yet deeply unpleasant mind games. Lots of people will give you advice when they’re sitting outside the situation – solutions look obvious when it’s not your values and your actions. When you’re in it, it’s not that easy. Here’s an approach that I find helps leaders find their way forward. It’s called The Clarity Catalyst™.
When you’re experiencing cognitive dissonance, there’ll be a lot of ‘noise’ in your head, and it clouds your thinking. This is your emotional brain taking charge, and it’s this that builds the stress.
To cut through the clutter, take time to work out the three non-negotiables that you will apply to make your decision. As soon as you do this you will find the distracting, confusing, emotionally-charged thoughts quieten and your rational brain will function better. Most leaders find it surprisingly easy to decide on the best course of action as soon as they do this.
Next week, I’ll share an example with you of how this resolved the stressful cognitive dissonance one Managing Director was facing this week.
Until then, wishing you well and, as always, observe yourself and others with interest and learning, not with criticism and judgement.