One of the trickiest and most uncomfortable questions I ask the leaders I coach is, “How often are we going to have this same conversation?”
I know, it sounds a bit cheeky, but it’s designed to provoke thinking and shake up an unhelpful pattern. We’ve all been there, stuck in the same discussions over and over, and it’s important to figure out why that happens and how we can get past it.
These repeated conversations usually go something like this: a leader brings up a problem and shares a bunch of examples to show what’s going wrong. A common scenario is needing to address underperformance in a senior team member. No one enjoys giving tough feedback—that’s understandable. But the issue isn’t the discomfort; it’s avoiding the action that needs to be taken even when you know there’s a problem.
Leaders end up talking about the same underperformance issue repeatedly, with new examples each time. This repetition is a clear sign that the leader is stuck. They know there’s a problem and that they need to act, but they keep dodging it, doing extra work themselves to cover for the underperformer.
Here’s where we need to talk about the difference between being “stuck” and “noodling.” My own coach loves to say, “Let’s noodle on this.” Noodling means thinking things over, exploring options, and coming up with new ideas. It’s an active way of problem-solving that delivers results. Being stuck, though, is when you keep talking about the same problem without identifying solutions. This can be paralyzing, counterproductive – and exhausting.
If, right now, you’re finding yourself talking about the same issue over and over, ask yourself: Are you noodling or stuck?
Leadership is complex and we all face the same challenges again and again. But recognising whether you’re noodling or stuck can make a huge difference. If you realise you’re stuck, what will it take to break out of that cycle?
Do you need to build your knowledge and skills in order to take action?
Do you need to overcome doubt and lack of confidence about taking action?
Do you need to have the conversation or communicate the problem with greater clarity?
Does the organisational culture not support you in moving forward?
Hey, if your repeated conversations are productive noodling sessions that lead to meaningful action – that’s great. But if you’re stuck going round and round the same problem over and over again, there is a way through.
Noodle on the steps you can take to solve the problem rather than, yet again, describing the problem and giving more examples to show that it really exists.
Have a great week and always remember, life will be more rewarding if you observe yourself and others with interest and learning, not with criticism and judgement.