Imagine guaranteeing that you get a constructive outcome from every conversation.
- Need to influence your boss? You know you’re on target right from the start.
- Need a team member to take on your feedback? You know they’ll come on-side even before you begin.
- Need people to take on board a tough message? Done!
Impossible dream? A challenge for sure – but not impossible.
Let’s define ‘a constructive outcome.’
It’s an outcome that means you, and others involved in the conversation, can progress your goals and objectives, while also building a better relationship between you.
If every conversation you had at work delivered this, you’d achieve a lot more, wouldn’t you?
The very best communicators achieve a constructive outcome from their conversations because they consistently apply some simple principles. I’m going to share these with you over the next few weeks, starting today, so that you can get better results more often too,
Here are the seven top principles that will be game-changers for you.
(1) Be sure you have the right to have the conversation in the first place. If you try to have a conversation that the other person thinks is none of your business, they’re going to be confused at best and offended and angry at worst. This is a good route to damaged relationships!
(2) Be clear what you need to get from the conversation, and why, and express this clearly right from the start. Far too often leaders stumble into conversations with an ill-formed idea of what they need from it, and explain this in vague terms. Then they’re surprised when the conversation doesn’t stay, or even start, on point, and seems to end up somewhere they didn’t want it to go.
(3) Focus on the other person’s needs, views and ideas rather than pushing your own agenda. Seek to understand them rather than trying to get them to understand you. Then hook your points to what’s important to the other person. You’ll find you make far more progress.
(4) Be willing to change your mind if you hear information that gives a different perspective. Holding your own opinion lightly rather than seeing it as ‘the truth’ will help here. Even though you’ve been clear what you need right at the start, this doesn’t mean you can’t change your view of what you need in the light of new data and perspectives.
(5) If you decide your initial view is still valid, make sure you have a good reason for sticking with it and explain why you can’t, or won’t, shift. Remember, neither you, nor the person you’re speaking to is five years old, so ‘Just because’ isn’t okay! There must be a reason that is valid not only from your perspective, but from the other person’s perspective too. This brings people on side.
(6) Be sure to agree to specific action before the conversation ends. It’s surprising how many conversations peter out without any real, clear outcome. This is fine if it’s a pass-timing or water-cooler conversation with no purpose other than to chat, but for most business conversations, you’re seeking action.
(7) Remain appropriately authentic. Authenticity is a much lauded approach in communication. But the best communicators fine-tune their authenticity. They don’t simply ‘let it all hang out.’ Instead, they are appropriately authentic, sharing their perspective honestly and exploring even the trickiest topics in a way that balances what they need and want with respect for the other person’s needs and wants. This creates an environment of trust and genuine engagement, and makes it far more likely the other person will reciprocate as a result.
As we go through the rest of September, I’m going to delve deeper into each of these areas so that you can truly build your ability to achieve constructive outcomes far more often, and so get things done more easily. To be fair, our approach to conversations is always a work in progress and it isn’t easy to do all of these, in every interaction. But, the more of these principles you apply, and the more often you do so, the more frequently you’ll leave a conversation with an outcome that has built the relationship and moved your projects and goals forward too.
What’s the biggest challenge you face when it comes to having constructive conversations at work?
Drop me an email to let me know.